I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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