peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
