apparently the secret to your success is patron
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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