you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
