Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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