And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
