dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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