meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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