I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
