you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
