She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Bring me that man meat
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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