we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
