My brain says no but my pants say off.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
