Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
