I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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