I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
