I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
