What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
