I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize