i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
