Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
