happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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