I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
