i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
