This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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