Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
