I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
