Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
