i think i have herpe
just one?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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