So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Boobs are out for the taking
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
