Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
