remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
