A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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