the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
