Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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