bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We talked him into tasing himself.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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