Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
