I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In other news, I just burned my penis
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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