I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
