Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
