I think scott just propositioned me for sex
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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