that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
