got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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