Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
