We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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