yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
