dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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