I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
