i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
