Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
