We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
