ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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