I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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