now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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