oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
