you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
