all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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