Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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