I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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