i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
