he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I need moral support for this bender
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
