We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
