i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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