pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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