My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
