remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There are leaves in my underwear?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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