fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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