i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
