Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
