Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am midnight drunk by noon
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
