Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
