Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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