Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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