i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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