Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
