So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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