So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
