When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
