Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
